Mariage

n. – marriage
Noces
n. – wedding
Voyage de noces, lune de miel
n. – honeymoon
French weddings make me think of the expression, “It’s not a race, it’s a marathon.” I have been to quite a few now, including my own and each time I’m fascinated by the endurance of the participants and the tradition of game playing that never seems to get old.

Here the couple is officially married during the civil ceremony. This can precede a religious ceremony, but it the only one that validates the union. This comes from the separation of church and state so while there is religious tolerance of course, only the state is recognized as the official ruling party if you will.

The civil ceremony takes place at the mairie, or the city hall. Depending on the location, the room where this happens can be large enough to accommodate an entire wedding party or quite small. Many couples don’t even have the civil ceremony on the same day. It can be just a small gathering of family, optional and “temoins” or witnesses, obligatory.

At the wedding we attended last year, the civil ceremony was followed immediately by the church ceremony and then the reception. Usually the city hall and the church will be within walking distance. In the case of the wedding we attended last weekend, the city hall was located just across the street from the “salle” or hall where the reception took place. There was no church.

At our last church wedding, the reception that followed was at a winery, which was a lovely setting. However, first we had to make our way to a location nearby for a group photo, something that seems to be increasingly popular. It’s not that easy getting a hundred or more people in a group shot so in this case, it involved bleachers that we had to stand on. As my luck would have it, I was asked to stand on the top rung in three inch heels causing me to wonder if I may upstage the wedding with my early demise.

The “vin d’honeur” literally translated is the wine of honor, or cocktail hour. I should clarify though that it is never just an hour and there are rarely cocktails. Champagne or sweet wines are commonly served and hors d’oeuvres range from light to heavy depending on tastes and budgets.

The bar was set high by the first French wedding I attended as it was impeccable in every detail down to the ice sculptured vodka bar that followed the dinner and opened the disco. The setting was exquisite, the food extraordinary and the celebration punctuated by several meaningful and lovely speeches.

I prefer this to one that is constantly being interrupted by games or entertainment of some kind. One wedding we went to actually had a play in the middle of it. This was probably one of my all time least favorites. The vin d’honor was endless with only sweet wine and cookies to nibble on. It was a buffet which I have to admit I’m not a fan of anywhere even if it’s at the Four Seasons. And someone decided it would be a good idea to separate all the people who knew each other. It wasn’t.

There’s a game of musical chairs that’s popular. Twelve people are chosen and the MC, if you will, yells out a particular object that they have to retrieve while one chair is removed. For example, a sock, a lipstick, etc. The people then grab these things from the rest of the guests. Each time a person is eliminated, they are given a theme during a month of the following year where they have to entertain the couple. In order to make it even funnier, it could be making a fondue in July or having a picnic in December.

The first time I saw this was during a post-wedding brunch. This is also common especially in remote areas where a hall has been rented out or in the case of our first French wedding, a tent has been erected. The last time I saw the game played it was at the wedding dinner, which was scarier to me since you now had people who were well into their cups running and grabbing things and attempting to make it back to their chairs in one piece.

There was an even more dangerous game played at this wedding which involved the two fathers, bare feet, blindfolds and axes. They had to attempt to slice a wine cork that was placed on top of their socks while blindfolded. I’m surprised they didn’t cut off their toes, but the worst damage that was done was to the socks that were of course completely shredded.

This wedding was particularly festive and themed no less. The hall was creatively decorated in a pirate theme complete with pirate servers. The dinner was a buffet that left us a little nutritionally challenged, but clearly the priority was the décor and they pulled that off very well. We were served cold cuts and cheeses and my husband naively waited for the hot entrée that never came. Instead, dessert followed in the form of a variety of cakes and sweets. Normally, there is a “piece montée” or wedding cake, but this time there was a sculpture made entirely out of sugar representing a desert island and hidden treasure in keeping with the theme.

Dancing usually starts around 1 or 2am by which point, these days, I’m ready to leave. So we snuck out quietly since the night was just getting started. Usually the last to leave pack up around 7 or 8 the following morning, which doesn’t give them much turnaround time preceding the brunch continuation.

If the bride and groom have left before the party is completely over, they can be visited by some of the guests with a “pot de la mariée” or soup of the bride. Basically, it’s a disgusting mixture of whatever is at hand that she has to drink. (Our location at our wedding remained a secret for this reason). Another pre-wedding tradition especially in the provinces that I found interesting is a spin on the bachelor party called “enterrement de vie de garcon” or literally translated, the burial of the boy’s life.

A miniature coffin is filled with gifts, wine, liquor, cigarettes, gum, candy, photos, basically whatever people want to put in it. The groom is then forced to walk around the town, preferably dressed in a costume (think prisoner with fake ball and chain) carrying the coffin along with his friends and at the end of the evening, burying it in the backyard if there is one available. The coffin is to be unearthed either after the birth of the couple’s first child or five years after the wedding, whichever comes first. In our case, it came when my in-laws sold the land where it was buried.

Marriages are usually fun and festive events. Even if it rains, the French have an expression, “Marriage pluvieux, marriage heureux,” a rainy marriage is a happy marriage. If it rains at your wedding as it did at ours, you will hear this repeatedly. Rain or shine, theme or none, one thing is certain, all cultures enjoy celebrating this tradition and on a personal note, I hope the day comes when all couples who wish to will be allowed to. Perhaps it will begin here where “egalité” or equality is part of the country’s credo. Vive l’egalité et vivent les marriés!